Chapter 11 | The Conversion
John Odoerfer stayed with the Stubers longer than he had expected. But as Christmas came near, he felt like had overstayed his welcome, and decided that he must leave. So, just a day before Christmas, he said his goodbyes, saddled up Ansbach, and headed for Clear Spring. Frederick had urged him to stay through the holy day, but John felt restless, and to Fredericks surprise, took his leave.
If everything went according to his plan, He would arrive at the Montpelier Estate near Clear Spring, Maryland two days after Christmas, and apply for a job. He knew that traveling would be treacherous, with the cold and the snow, but he saw it as an adventure. Frederick had given him directions to the house of a friend of his, where he could stay overnight on the way.
John had crossed what he thought was the Maryland border on Christmas day. As he rode along, he was thankful for Ansbach, and for the nice sunny day. But his thoughts went back to October 25, 1777, when he had left his family, telling them he would be home for Christmas. How stupid he had been to say that! The Hessians hadn’t even reached the colonies by Christmas. Now, 6 years later, it was another Christmas, and he still hadn’t returned!
In an instant, almost in a flash of light, it struck him. Later, he would compare what happened to him with what happened to Saul on the Damascus road, where he was converted to Paul, and embarked on a new mission. John had had, in the most specific sense of the word, a conversion on the way to Clear Spring.
Suddenly, he knew he had to do it. All along, he had thought he would stay in America, and try to get his family to come here too. But here, on the road to Clear Spring, he knew that he had to go back to Germany, find out if his wife still loved him, and, if she did, try to convince her to come to America. He knew that it would be a long trip, and he dreaded the time at sea, but he decided it was the only right way, and there was no turning back.
*************************************************
Luckily, John was able to join with a group of Hessian soldiers from the Fort Frederick barracks in Maryland who were returning to Germany after the war. They marched to Long Island, finally boarded the Frigate Emerald, and sailed across the Atlantic toward home. They were buffeted by high winds on a couple of occasions, but, all in all, it was a much better trip for John than his earlier passage in 1978. The sleeping quarters and the food were pretty good-much better than John had expected.
It took John 8 weeks to sail from Long Island in America to Vegasack, in Denmark, and 20 more weeks to sail the Weser river and march — often with great impediments- to finally reach Ansbach. It was late July before he arrived, collected clothing provided by the Margrave– one pair of cotton trousers, two shirts, and one pair of socks, shoes, and gloves— , and headed toward his home in Ansbach.
During his travels back home, John was totally conflicted. He knew that coming home was the right thing to do, but he kept remembering what Ewalt had told him, and the tepid letters he had received from Margareta. He even wondered if Margareta had ever been true to him. Even now, he wondered if she was enjoying a relationship with Ernst the grocer.
And it made him feel guilty to say it, but the question crossed his mind. Were the headaches she had frequently mentioned over the years made up so she could avoid intimacy with him?
He had to find out the answers to these questions, and get his life with Margareta back in order, if, he thought, it was even possible.
**************************************************
John had tried to send word to Maria Margareta that he was returning, but it had not reached her. So when she answered a knock on her door and peered out to see a Wolfgang she hardly recognized but did, she was stunned.
“My God,” gasped Maria, “It’s you!! I thought you were dead, and would never return!” “Yes, it’s me,” Wolfgang (He would go by Wolfgang, not John, in Ansbach ) said quietly, “You look so good, Maria, as pretty as ever.” He reached for her, and for an instant she almost tried to avoid his embrace, but recovered and found herself in his arms. “It’s been six long years, Wolfgang, I hardly know what to say,” Maria sputtered, as tears began to fill her eyes. Wolfgang didn’t know whether they were tears of joy, or tears brought on by the shock of his surprise arrival, but he knew that it had been the right thing to do to come home to her.
As they entered the house, the conversation was awkward, almost as if they were strangers. He asked where Georg was, and found out that he had gone out with his friends. They talked about what she had been doing, about the children, and about the changes that had taken place in Ansbach since he had been gone. Wolfgang had a distinct feeling that Maria harbored resentment about his having been gone so long, leaving her with the responsibility for the children. And, he thought, does she partially blame me for Maria Magdalena’s death. Perhaps she thinks that if I would have been here, I could have done something.
After they talked for some time, Maria was so tired, and exhausted from the events of the day. She mentioned a headache, and fell asleep while they were talking. Wolfgang helped her to bed, and waited up for Georg to return. He was nervous about how he would be received, and didn’t know what to expect. After all, he had abandoned Georg six years ago when he was a boy, and now Georg was developing into a man. He had a son who, like his wife, he seemed to hardly know.
“Hello Georg,” Wolfgang said as the teenager entered the door. Georg, in total shock, almost said “ Who are you,” but took a second look and recognized his father. Wolfgang was totally surprised at what happened next. Georg ran to him and embraced him with a hug stronger that Wolfgang would have thought possible, and shouted “Dad! You’re back! I’ve waited so long for this!” Georg’s enthusiasm was so genuine, and his reaction to Wolfgang’s return so enthusiastic, that Wolfgang could hardly believe it. He wept as they began to talk about how much they had missed each other, what Georg was doing with his life, and how sad Georg had been when his sister had died.
Wolfgang was home! As he tried to go to sleep, his wife seemed so far away on the other side of the bed, and he wondered if she loved him, or someone else. He knew he must quickly find a time to talk with Maria about her secret with Ewalt, and find out how she was feeling about Ernst, and him.
Wolfgang knew that his first priority was to see if he could put things back together again, and make a family life in Ansbach, but he still felt Maria– keeping a very important event in her life secret from him– and perhaps having other lovers in her life– was not making it easy. And, if truth be told, John still, to this day, all too often thought of Ellie and the redoubt. As he fell asleep, a small tear was still drying on his face.
**************************************************
The next morning, as they walked down the path that went by the mill, Wolfgang’s thoughts went briefly back to that night, over 6 years ago, when he could have ended it all. But he quickly went back to thinking about what was on his mind right now. How can I talk to her about Heinz and the baby? And he answered that he should be himself– direct and to the point.
“Maria, ” he said seriously, ” When we were in battle at Yorktown, Ewalt thought we were all going to die, and told me the secret he had promised you he would never tell.” “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Maria was totally shocked by Wolfgang’s revelation, that at first, she couldn’t speak. Finally, she was able to look John in the eye, and said, with trepidation, “Wolfgang, I am so, so sorry that I didn’t tell you. I was so embarrassed, and I somehow felt that if I didn’t tell, and Ewalt didn’t tell, it would just go away.”
Now it was John’s time to look away. As he looked down at his feet, he quietly asked Maria, “Did you love him?” Maria, surprised and saddened, looked at John and said in a pained voice, “Oh, John, don’t you know? Heinz carried me forcibly into that stall, ripped off my clothes, and raped me! I tried to fight him, but he was so strong and violent that I couldn’t escape. I was shouting at him, and still trying to get away when Ewalt found us in the stable.”
John suddenly took Maria in his arms, kissed her, and with tears in his eyes, said, “Maria, I’m so sorry I doubted you. And I’m sorry you had to go through that ordeal.” He felt like strangling Heinz, but quickly remembered that he had been killed in a tornado when he was 20 years old. Maria kissed Wolfgang again, and held him tight. “I love you, Wolfgang, and would never love anyone else. Except for Ute, conceived that night in the stable, you are the father of my children, and there is no one for me but you.
As they walked down the trail, holding hands, they talked– about their children, about Ute, about his time away, and even about Ernst–and it was good– very good.
**************************************************
Wolfgang had now been home for exactly a month. He felt wonderful about his new-found relationship with his son Georg and his wife Maria. And he had been treated well by old friends and members of his church. They seemed to be happy that he had returned, and had asked him a lot of questions about his adventures as a Hessian soldier. They had been fascinated by his stories, and couldn’t seem to get enough. Even Maria was interested and hung on every word as she listened to his stories about his life as a soldier.
After their talk, Wolfgang and Maria had gotten along really well, and had had several intimate times. John realized that their relationship could even be better than before he left, but that he would still have to work hard at putting together the pieces of a severely strained marriage. He was attentive, tried to help her as much as he could, and had even brought her a present from the local lace and brocade shop. By design, he had taken over the tasks that had been done by Ernst the Grocer in his absence, but it had not been easy. Patterns developed over a six-year period are hard to change, and Ernst still came by, trying to help.
Wolfgang knew, from his talk with Maria, that she liked Ernst, especially for his help, but did not love him, and had been totally true to John. And he also knew that Ernst just plainly liked Maria, and he could live with with that. But now that he knew about Ernst’s true role, the realization brought back a sense of guilt, since Wolfgang had often imagined during the years he had been gone that Maria Margareta had been unfaithful, and slept with Ernst. So his discovery of Maria’s loyalty to him during his six years away made Wolfgang love her even more.
Also, Wolfgang had been fortunate enough to find part-time work at the Mill, and was bringing home some money to help support his family. Gradually, day-by-day, he was finding a somewhat satisfying niche in his home in Ansbach, the place of his birth.
**************************************************
After disposing of the idea that Maria’s headaches, which she had had ever since they were first married, were related to not wanting intimacy, Wolfgang concluded that they were caused by her inability to cope with the stress in her life. Sometimes, she would spend a whole day in bed, even when it wasn’t that “certain” time of the month. But now they were getting more frequent, and more severe. Wolfgang tried to find ways to cause them to go away, but nothing seemed to help.
Finally, he almost carried her to see their friend and physician, Dr. Karl Stuber. Karl had studied medicine, and came to Ansbach to practice after his father, Wilhelm, had died a terrible death from a cancerous brain tumor. Wolfgang had heard that Karl was a knowledgeable doctor, and had helped many in the community during the time of the sever pneumonia outbreak, and felt he could help solve Maria’s problem. “Maybe,” he thought, “Karl can give us some medicine that will help the headache go away. I’m sure he can.”
Karl Stuber asked Maria a lot of questions about her symptoms, and how they affected her. He also got Wolfgang’s impressions of the situation. He took notes, and formed a timeline of events associated with her headaches. Wolfgang was satisfied that he had “given her the time of day,” and knew about all there was to know about her problem.
Wolfgang was pretty perceptive about people. When he asked Karl about his diagnosis of Maria’s problem, he saw a very strange look on Karl’s face, and was suddenly alarmed. “What is it, Karl,” Wolfgang asked cautiously, “Why do you look so strange?”
Dr. Stuber, a very conscientious doctor, did not want to frighten any of his patients unnecessarily. But he couldn’t conceal the shock of his realization in his face. It was just like his father’s symptoms. Exactly. Nothing could have been more clear to him. Maria had a brain tumor.
Of course, a doctor can always be wrong. But Karl Stuber was as sure of this diagnosis as he was of his own name. Maria Margaretha had a brain tumor. And it would very probably, just as with his father, be fatal. He guessed that she probably had only two or three months to live, if that. And there was nothing he could do. But how much should he tell. He could divulge what he was sure was true- tell all, or he could beat around the bush, and let nature take its course. He decided in an instant. It was what he wished he had known about his father, who died before he had had time to tell him how much he loved him.
“Maria,” Dr. Stuber began, “I am so very sorry to tell you that I believe a cancerous brain tumor is causing your headaches, tiredness, and nausea.” “Your symptoms are almost identical to my father’s, and I fear that you have only a few months to live.” “ I hope against hope,” he continued, with a tear in his eye, “that I am wrong, and that a miracle will happen, but all my experience and training tells me that I am right.” “Isn’t there anything you can do,” Wolfgang almost shouted, “Anything to slow it or stop it???” “I’m sorry, but there is simply nothing we know to do to stop the growth of such a tumor. Oh, how I wish medicine had a way, but there is none.” Maria, white as a ghost, began to cry a silent cry, and, as Wolfgang held her in his arms, vowed to do everything he could to help her beat this, and be well again. But the odds, and the gods, were against it.
**************************************************
Two months later, to the day, Maria Margareta was laid to rest in the cemetery near the St. Johannis Church, Wolfgang, Georg, Ernst, some of her family, and her friends from her community and church said goodbye at the graveside. News of Maria’s tumor had come as a terrible shock to the community, and to Georg. But they had all had time to savor the last few weeks of her life, to tell her how much she had mean’t to them, and to help her in her dying days.
Wolfgang felt that these last two months may have been the most meaningful time he had ever spent with Maria. She seemed to forgive him for “running out on her” to become a Hessian soldier, and talked long about her hopes for him and Georg after her death.
Wolfgang prayed with Maria- a famous first- and he could see her mellow and change. Somehow, he felt that she believed she was in God’s care, and was resigned to death. And he felt guilty, with regard to her, no more.
Now the wake and the funeral were over, and Wolfgang and Georg were left with each other- wondering what they would do. It took Wolfgang a few months to figure this out.